Beginning

Rustom was an obligation. Living as a man, whether as a straight or as a gay man, was suffocating for it is not an expression of what’s inside of me; it was an obligation required of me. Rustom is the Emperor’s New Clothes tailored using the finest threads.

Then the child inside of me began to point out: You have nothing on. Now, nothing’s left but my nakedness. It’s what God sees when he looks at me. It’s the little bird coming out of a freshly hatched egg, the integration of my inner and outer world, the expression of the music God whispers to my soul. I am BB Gandanghari.

I’m an artist who uses film as the vessel of her creativity; and if I have a message to tell, it is through films that I can best impart them. I’m a woman expressed – not trapped – in a body called male. I’m a newly-born child; I’m still learning how to walk, finding my voice, exploring the world as a tenderfoot.

Artist, woman, child, and whatever label you and I use to articulate my experience - let’s not get lost in words. What I am now is not a product of finding the right word to describe my experience nor it’s about finding the most appropriate label to frame my existence. What I am now is a product of self-discovery and recovery, of reuniting with the unlabelled expression of my being: it is the uniqueness every child brings to this world.

And reuniting with this uniqueness gives me a renewed strength, a tenacious courage made possible by the grace of God. Yes, I’ve walked through the streets of confusion. I’ve faltered every now and then. But the power of prayer transformed every of my fall into opportunities to begin anew. Rascall Flatts puts this so beautifully in his song I’m Moving On: “I’ve found you find strength in your moments of weakness. For once I'm at peace with myself. I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long. I'm movin' on...” And yes, I’m moving on.

Welcome to my blog!

Love & Peace,
BB Gandanghari

(11:40 A.M | 30 March 2009)